I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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