I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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