My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
