We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
