dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
