Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
