last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
