I don't usually arrange sex via text message
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
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