before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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