thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
