when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
