he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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