i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
