when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
