Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
