No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
