Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
