Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
