I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
