Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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