This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
