At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
