I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Randomize
