I'm going to rape someone's good day.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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