I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
