Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
