is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
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