You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
