Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Couch. On fire.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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