I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
