i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
