Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
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