everyone is single if you try hard enough
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
