First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
It's shark week go big or go home
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
