Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
