Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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