I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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