Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
