The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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