My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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