I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
