You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
