he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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