Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
