my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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