We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
