I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
