Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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