Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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