the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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