We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
